Pride, gratitude and compassion

As a rule, I do not make new year resolutions. Or, more accurately, I don't declare them. I often have private resolutions of the usual ilk--I will spend less time at the gym, I will increase my alcohol tolerance, I will eat more cheeseburgers, etc. Some years, I actually attempt to meet these goals until mid-January or so. Most of the time, however, any goals I set for myself quickly dissipate in a drunken haze.
However, after reading a very interesting article in the NY Times on Sunday, I am enlightened. Self-control is an issue many of us deal with, but there is another side to the story. Those of us who fail to keep these resolutions we make for ourselves may be lacking in the following: pride, gratitude and compassion. These traits, the article suggests, reduce the human mind's tendency to discount the value of the future. Let's discuss.

Pride--I feel pride for my friends all the time. I love hearing about my friends' achievements. That's what Facebook is for. Well, that and cat video links. I know Facebook can be the devil, and some people should be forced to go through shock therapy to cure their need to post every waking thought they have. But it can also be a wonderful way to keep track of all the positive experiences our friends are having. What I realized though is that I rarely feel proud of myself. Now, don't get me wrong--I am often arrogant. But I have recently learned that arrogance is not actually the same as pride. Pride is a feeling of deep pleasure or satisfaction derived from one's own achievements. Or a pack of lions. Or a really sweet movie about a bunch of British gays raising money for mineworkers.

When I am cast in a show, I generally am too busy obsessing over all of the technical things I have to be thinking about while being totally present and in the moment. And I usually end up just beating myself up for not being better. Moving forward, I resolve to be proud of my own accomplishments just as I am those of my friends. After all, if I am up on that stage playing that role, it's because somebody thought I was the best guy for the job. And, obviously, audience members who aren't laughing are slow or hateful.

Gratitude is a cinch. I know 2017 was a less than stellar year for many people. In fact, knowing a lot of the pain and grief that others have suffered in the last year, I have absolutely nothing to complain about. But I do have a hell of a lot to be grateful for. Like Saoirse Ronan films! And I need to take more time every day to express that gratitude. Gratitude can easily be expressed internally and on paper, but I think it's a lot more effective expressed outwardly to others. And that's where I need to focus.

Now, compassion....Compassion is not my strongest suit. I definitely lean more dispassionate. In fact, I can be downright heartless, a truth in which I take great pride. I've spent years hardening this block of ice in my chest. But, even when I am feeling all warm and fuzzy, I often don't take the time that I should to show compassion to others. I get impatient. I get complacent. I wallow in my own junk. And I forget that others are fighting a harder fight than I could even dream of fighting. So this is where I need the most focus. And I certainly don't feel compassion for myself. I mean, why should I? I am a healthy, moderately successful, loved and supported white male. Why would I ever deserve compassion?! But I do. We all do. Why are we so abusive to ourselves? Why am I often my own worst enemy? Time to stop that. I cannot be a compassionate, caring friend to others when I am incapable of being that to myself.

So why am I sharing all of this when I haven't posted a blog in two years? Because I figure if this information is helpful to me, it may help others too. And part of being grateful and compassionate is being generous of spirit and wanting to see others succeed. So here's to a new year of new possibilities and focusing on strengthening qualities that better ourselves and boost others at the same time. 

I encourage you to read the NY Times article that inspired my little rant. Here is the link: https://www.nytimes.com/2017/12/29/opinion/sunday/the-only-way-to-keep-your-resolutions.html