The wonders discovered during insomnia

I woke up at least twelve times between 12:30 and 4 am the night before last. At 4:00, I finally just got up to watch television. Cops was on, which I wouldn't usually watch, but this episode took place in Hong Kong, and it was fabulous. The police chief was a woman named Julie Lau who could have been my neighbor growing up in Garden Grove, she was so westernized. Actually, she spoke better English than my neighbors from Garden Grove. She probably doesn't smell as bad either. Julie was leading an operative to arrest underage extortionists. Evidently, you can be an extortionist in Hong Kong; you just can't be under 18. They also raided some one-woman brothels during the show. I kind of felt bad for these women. They don't have much going for them. They don't even have co-workers. And here they are getting harassed by the local police. It all made for highly entertaining telly.
Cops was followed at 4:30 by Good Day, Oregon, a show that helps locals get ready for their day. Weather, traffic, breaking news. After announcing our high would be fifty degrees, they cut to a live cam of a local freeway which had one truck on it and announced that the early morning commute was not heavy. The breaking news was about a convenience store robbery that took place late Tuesday night which neighbors called "disappointing." Strong words, Portlanders.
Then I finally watched Brothers and Sisters from Sunday night which was very well done but became a total fantasy at the end with all the grown-ups jumping on Kitty's bed and tickling each other and laughing. It made me think "When was the last time my siblings all did that?" Oh yeah, never. For that matter, we never all sat out by the pool together watching a hot Frenchman swim either. Clearly, I was born into the wrong family. Or at least the wrong house. How different our lives would have been with a pool. Or a hot Frenchman.
Continuing on in the telethon, I watched the fourth installment of the Monty Python story on IFC which covered their entree into the US and the making of The Holy Grail. Such brilliant minds. How lucky for us that some independent-minded PBS executives caught the show and found it funny. God bless America. Apparently, Graham Chapman was three sheets to the wind for most of the shoot. Imagine...to be so talented, you could still act out an entire performance while under the influence. Oh wait, I don't need to imagine. That describes my years at the Curtain Call.
Finally, after several hours of television, I got up and started functioning like a real human being. It occurs to me that I have no idea when shows are actually televised anymore. Tommy DVRs everything, and we catch up whenever we can. Like at 4 in the morning. It's been an adjustment for me because it feels so strange to watch primetime television in the middle of the night or on the weekend and not watch commercials. I feel like I am cheating them somehow. I actually feel guilty for not watching the commercials. I am really sorry, commercial actors. I know you worked hard for those little paychecks. Oh wait. No, you didn't. You worked one day and made twenty thousand dollars. Screw you. What do you care if I watch your stupid acting?
Ah ah, hold up there, Normino. That's not the attitude to start the day with. Time to get excited about banking.
It's easy to get excited when I know I have people like Ronald to look forward to. Ronald called in last week to get an auto loan. Here's just a snippet of our conversation. I took notes because I knew it would be worth repeating.

Ronald (chewing gum loudly): Yeah, I was lookin to get a car loan.
Me: Great. What kind of car were you looking at?
Ronald (possibly blowing a bubble): I don't know, but it's a nice car.
Me: Hmm. Well, I need a little better idea in order to get you pre-qualified.
Ronald :It's a Malibu.
Me: What year is it?
Ronald: 2002.
Me: I'm sorry. We actually only finance cars going back seven model years, so we would not be able to get you a loan for a 2002.
Ronald: I said 2004.

Me (moving on through the application): So, Ronald, who is your current employer?
Ronald: Oh, man, I don't know.
Me: You don't know who your employer is?
Ronald: Man, I work for a senior living facility.
Me: What is the name of the facility?
Ronald: I don't know.
Me: We kind of need to know that.
Ronald: Never mind. (click)

Oh, the magic of working in a call center.